“Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value.”

“Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value.”

What values are most important to you? Are you living and honoring your values?

Our values are the principles we live by. They are our inner compass, guiding us back to who we truly are and what’s most important to us. 

There are two types of values; fear-based and conscious-based. Fear based values are when we are feeling bad. It’s an indication we are either being threatened or dishonored. They are also the things we don’t want and tend to run away from because we don’t want something bad to happen.

One way to detect if we are not living our true values is if we are feeling uneasy or upset about certain situations, events or circumstances. If we are angry, frustrated, and unhappy more often than not, a value is not being honored or met.

Conscious based values bring on good feelings about ourselves, others and/or situations and events. It is in that space that our values are being honored. Conscious based values represent the things we want in our lives. We chose them, and because of that fact, there is no tension or anxiety. Instead, we are in alignment with our purpose, passionate about it. And so, we run towards it. We have vigorous energy to pursue those things we really want. When we’re happy, that’s an indication that our values are being met.

Fear based values have to do with our “not-so-pleasant” past and is something we are trying to avoid, making sure nothing similar happens again. For example, your husband cheated on you in the past and you found out about it. That trust is now tarnished or completely depleted, not only in him, but also any other married man you meet.

When we are living within our true values, it means we are living the most authentic version of ourselves, and in all aspects of your life. 

Many of us grew up with certain values being instilled in us at a very young age from our parents. And oftentimes, we have taken on their values into adulthood that might have worked for our parents, but may not be true for us. We might find ourselves living some of their values that are outdated, and may not apply to us anymore.

I know first hand how easy it is to be living life by other people's values and expectations, and losing sight of my own. It has been during these last two years that I have experienced extreme insightfulness. And, in that process, have uprooted many of my old values and started to plant new ones. The catalyst for change was when death looked me in the eye and my health was compromised. My values were being tested. It was like swimming against the tide and everything seemed to be a struggle. I was forced to slow down and take stock and ask myself, “Am I happy?” The answer was NO, and that was true for many areas of my life. Ironically, it was in areas I most valued. 

Many of us have felt this way during the past year and a half, yes? With all the uncertainty, our whole world felt like it was being dismantled and nothing looked or felt as before the pandemic. 

For many of us, one of our values can be success. But, success looks different to different people. There was a time when I thought success meant earning a good salary, having a nice house and car, and the luxury of being able to buy what I desired. The interesting thing is I had all of that, and more. So, why was I unhappy? 

It was at that time that I started to question my life. When I chose to pursue life coaching, that decision opened up my world in a big way. I was able to tap into my subconscious and started listening to my inner knowing. I started to trust I would find the path that was in alignment with my current values. 

Our core values dictate how we live our lives. And, if they derive from our upbringing, they are most likely influenced by our primary caregiver(s). That would mean we are living someone else’s values, and chances are we will feel empty, lonely and on the wrong path. If you are unhappy with parts of your life, (perhaps stressed, suffering from illnesses, feeling anxious, etc.), then it might be time to ask yourself some important questions- “What is important to me?”and “How do I want to live my life?” When we spend time identifying our values, it creates transformational changes that fuel us to live a vibrant, fulfilling life, in alignment with our own personal values. And, guess what? We feel AMAZING!

Here’s a tool to try;

1) Write down your top 10 values.

2) Rate each value on a scale of 1 to 10 based on its importance in your life (1=not at all, 10=extremely). 

3) Then rate each value based on how often you put it into action (1=never, 10=always). 

When we start living by our values, life shifts in the most extraordinary ways.